Tim Phelan's Tech in Perspective

Tech in Perspective - Living a Balanced Life

Teens

Autistic Perspectives – Photo Shoot

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I love technology. As a father of an autistic young man, I keep up as best I can with the latest developments in Autism assistance and treatments, particularly those where technology can drive better diagnosis, assistance, or any type of help. Autism is a nebulous diagnosis that may include one or more of hundreds of demonstrated behaviors. Understanding the nature and what activities or environments that enrich and enable is mostly one of trial and error. I read and research. Every now and again I come up with an off-the-wall idea of my own to try…of course they involve technology! One idea I came up with provided interesting results. Of course, there is nothing at all scientific about this. However, because I know my son, yet I feel like it imparted some insights that I found enlightening.

Together, my son and I spend a few sessions teaching him how to take pictures with my Nikon D750 (an advanced camera). I made sure that we kept each time short so to not lose his attention or to make it less fun. He loved it. Once he felt comfortable, I sent him outside—to wherever he wanted to go—to take as many pictures as he wanted and of whatever he wanted. Off he went without me or his brothers. Alone to capture whatever interested him. He came back proud and asking for me to bring them up on the computer at least 200 times (it was Christmas and there were many things to attend to). Once I had time, I reviewed and printed out the clear pictures he took (many duplicates…more to come on that). Next, I sat down with him, excited and making it fun, and asked him to describe how each made him feel and to name each picture. I did have to explain the difference between the two many times and be encouraging. Here are the results:

Firstly, I was amazed by the quality of the pictures and how well he quickly shared his feelings and titles. Secondly, I gained insight into how he thinks from a broad perspective, some beckoning further questions:

  • All the pictures he took were of things he had a positive emotion towards – oh to see the world through that lens
  • He took 3-5 exact pictures of each – was he unsure, wanted to make sure he took the picture, or was it for some type of emphasis?
  • None of the descriptions included a possessive pronoun, only a name or literal description even though many contained subjects that normally would such as “my Christmas Tree”, “my dog”, etc. – I will address momentarily

With those observations alone, this was a great experience for both of us. He was proud of his work. I felt just a little more connected and hopefully better equipped to be a better parent to him. A couple of more detailed observations that I made:

  • Why “Fire” as the title on the first picture? While it is a broad landscape of a house and yard, the street lamp is the only one on the street with natural gas lights that are fire. I saw a scene, to him it was singly about the street lamp. Does he perceive details better as part of a larger context? I would have focused in tighter on the lamp (I did make sure that he knows how to zoom in/out with the camera). Furthermore, the picture “Love / For Quinn” contains many objects. Most interestingly, it also includes our other dog, Duke. Yet to him this was specific to just Quinn.
  • Revisiting the lack of possessive pronouns, he tended to use descriptors in their place. For instance, “Husky” instead of “my dog Duke” and “The House w Lights” instead of my house or home. Is this a unique gift, the ability to appreciate things for how they are now, and not the sentimentalism or reminiscing that shade our views of things.

I am thinking of ways to expand on this. Regardless of the insights—true or false—my son and I both enjoyed it. If anyone has suggestions, I graciously ask for them.

This is a positive experience and writing for me. I write it with a sense of duty and the heaviest of hearts for my dear friend Ralph. On Thanksgiving Day, his autistic angel Dante passed unexpectantly and unexplainably. I am blessed to have my son. I am confident Dante’s blessings continue from above. I am humbled, forlorn, and at the same time inspired by Ralph and his family’s resilience. I dedicate this writing of my uplifting experience with my son to Dante and Ralph…ALWAYS in my heart and mind…

Living Life Out Loud…. Well, Sort Of

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Why do our teens tend to focus their social media efforts in “hit and run” apps that do not seem to say anything such as Instagram, Pinterest, Snapchat, etc.? I mean my boys are all about making a statement and individuality. Yet, their electronic broadcasts are typically a picture or some meaningless phrase which do not communicate much of anything. On the other hand, I tend to blog, share moments with context on Facebook or Instagram, and tweet ideas that I find interesting, inspiring, ironic, or just plain silly. Who is really “living life out loud?”

This is a topic that has stumped me. It just never clicked with me—until 5AM this morning lying in bed. As I was thinking through my day, the phrase “living life out loud” came to mind. I really did not have a context, but thought it sounded cool and may be something fun to write about (file that one to examine later). The trash needs to go out; meeting at 10:30 I need to prep for; did I get all of the information into our systems from last week for work…all of those fun “real life” thoughts started. Then out of nowhere came the thought “Mark 6:2-4.” Interesting…I read the Bible from time to time, but have never really memorized any of it. I would consider myself fairly familiar with the Bible. But like a visitor to France trying to find the library in Paris, I am not able to identify where things are in the Bible or what books certain events take place. This was a first for me. So, I did what any other person that may of just had a brush with divine inspiration would do, I made a quick note in my phone and went back to sleep with no idea what those verses said.

After a cup of coffee, I found that the essence of these verses in my opinion is that Jesus preached in the synagogue of his home town, and those who heard him (I am going to assume who also probably knew him pretty well) took offense and scoffed, “Isn’t this the carpenter? Isn’t this Mary’s son and the brother of James. Joseph, Judas and Simon?” (NIV Life Application Mark 6:3).

OK, I get it now! Thanks God! Our teens put in all of that electronic effort because they do want to be heard and seen, they want to be thought provoking and provocative, and to put their stance and stamp on the world. Note: for the purposes of this piece, I specifically mean pre-college teens. Our “babies” may at times even have great wisdom and ideas to bring to the world, electronically or otherwise. Our children have learned that just as “…many who heard him were amazed” (6:2), airing their still-formulating beliefs and ideas will open them up to questions and possibly ridicule. Teens can be brutal and that time of life is when we acquired many of the callouses that supported us in being ourselves later in our lives. It is not something any of us cherished or had to go looking for to get regularly as a teen.

I have asked my teens why that picture, or that quip, or that little comment and get the standard “I dunno” (visualize a put-on sullen attitude to go with, of course). It is BRILLIANT. Instagram, Snapchat, group texts, emoji, for example are the perfect mediums to throw out “clues” or “hints.” It is the ultimate flirt—it puts out just enough of themselves to spark interest from like-minded teens that could lead to more substantive dialogue. Yet, it is obscure enough to not garner a ton of attention. It makes perfect sense. And to think all along I thought these social media outlets were conspiracies designed so our teens could be sneaky, or plan some gruesome anarchy.

Our teens will “live out loud” when they are ready, when they have the self-confidence to handle the potential of criticism and rejection. Until then, they will hopefully form some supportive friendships from others that pick up on their “clues” and they will do their best to “keep it real.”

Facebook’s Impact On Teens

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Recently, I was blessed that one of my children had received two academic honors and was selected with a few other classmates to represent his school in the laying of the wreath ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery. Almost instinctively I posted a picture and a short comment about it on Facebook. After all, what kind of uncaring parent would I be otherwise, right? Just another day in my cyber-life… Later that day, a high school friend of mine commented, “the Phelan’s really have it going on!” My stomach started to turn.

Facebook has become our journals, our place to share fun facts, and our place to connect with others. Unlike private journals, Facebook is a repository of only the milestones that we want to share, the good ones. The unreality it insinuates make for great stories and creates reason to interact with many that without Facebook, we would otherwise not. The fact that we share only the highlights (or mostly, and mind you I am not addressing the “town crier” who is always in online crisis) can be unhealthy and is something we need to talk directly about with our kids. As if I didn’t hear enough, “everybody likes Tommy because…” Facebook has become another layer of hormonal induced teenage angst in my house. Real life is messy—for everybody. In real life we get fired, dumped, audited, sick, and make stupid mistakes that we pray we learn from and we would just as soon nobody know about. This is not the stuff of happy headlines (insert the smiley face emoji of your choice here). It is important that as parents we clearly explain to our kids that Facebook is not reality and is merely a small slice of any given person’s real experiences.

Alice Walton describes this phenomena in her article New Study Links Facebook To Depression: But Now We Actually Understand Why.

The irony of Facebook is by now known to most. The “social” network has been linked to a surprising number of undesirable mental health consequences: Depression, low self-esteem, and bitter jealousy among them. Now, a new study in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology finds that not only do Facebook and depressive symptoms go hand-in-hand, but the mediating factor seems to be a well-established psychological phenomenon: “Social comparison.” That is, making comparisons, often between our most humdrum moments and our friends “highlight reels” – the vacation montages and cute baby pics – is what links Facebook time and depressive symptoms together.[i]

This is exponentially felt by teenagers who are told by every media outlet, report card grade, psat/sat/act, and by their naturally cruel peers that only perfection is above ridicule. I have yet to see the post, “I had a really tough day at work, feel guilty because I took it out on the kids, am having dreams about smothering my significant other if he or she talks about another DYI show, and I feel like a bad person because all I want to do is go postal or run away to a sunny beach somewhere.” You never get “the rest of the story.” For many adults and teens alike this can impact moods and self-image. Comparison rarely leads to healthy thought. Take the time to talk to your kids about this “unreality” as they need as much reassurance as we can provide.

I am not discount15731390865_bfde4e48b0_oing Facebook as a great way to catch up, nor am I saying we need to describe every detail of our lives and associated feelings. I am merely suggesting:

  1. Keeping what you see on Facebook in perspective and teaching your children how to do the same.
  2. If your teen is seemingly anxious or depressed, watch or limit social media activity
  3. Teaching your teen that we all need a little more celebrating and sunshine in our lives. Congratulating a friend is excellent, but not a measurement of their or your value.

In researching this, I was fascinated to find that this comparison-based depression is far more prevalent and deeper with males. I suppose that may have something to do with men’s drive to accomplish, compete, and win that is instilled at an early age. That may be a topic worthy of another post. In the meantime, happy and safe Facebooking to you. Oh and Dean: yes the Phelan’s really do have it and $%it going on… Make it a great day!

[i] Walton, Alice G. (April 8, 2015). New Study Links Facebook To Depression: But Now We Actually Understand Why., Forbes / Pharma & Healthcare. Retrieved from http://www.forbes.com/sites/alicegwalton/2015/04/08/new-study-links-facebook-to-depression-but-now-we-actually-understand-why/#3a7d515d2e65